My Boulder for Erica.

In keeping with Jewish tradition, and due to the fact that I cannot be there in person, here is a pebble, a stone, a boulder of words for Erica’ s worth to us all. The stones, when we see them at places like Treblinka, these Boulders, Rocks, Stones and the tiny individual Pebbles, a collective alongside these Monoliths to Memory, we share in their purpose to Remember. The very intricate gathering of the display always urging us to take the memories back from these dark places and shed light upon what it meant for those Jews Murdered here. From all too many Community’s of Europe, these Jews who are eternally confined to spaces not of their choosing, speak to Erica of past memories she has enjoined with those she herself has brought forward. These Stones and Pebbles whether small, tiny or large, they are all piled in such a way that seems without form but always with a sense that a Community has come together to pay tribute to the best of us all and for us Always to Remember, Never to Forget.

“..power that comes from daring to continue to be vulnerable.” Erica van Beek.

Erica was a vulnerable human being as some of us know her, and even while many have yet to experience the great loss of a Mother, what Erica deliver’s to us is an acute pain of loss and deprivation. There are certain people, just like Erica, who need to be Remembered for what they stand for and in her search for a Mother who was so cruelly taken from her, she offers up her vulnerability. Erica van Beek also stands for the Survival of World Jewry, as it is to be presented by her and on from her to us all. Erica presents her memory also for The Jews of all of Europe as she is a testifier to what happened, not only to her but to her Mother Olga also. Erica also relates to those of Jewish Holland, and even an Austrian Jewry no longer able to urge us forward, as she emerged from Austria to Survive in Holland.

“ ..time. At each address it must look as if I belonged. And a child who complains about when Mutti was returning ..was a danger for her surroundings. ..questions and even ..memory was so very quickly suppressed and eliminated by ..mental and physical coercion from outside. And ..multitude of impressions ..all relocations and new environments and ..induced fears ..memories indeed disappeared. Nobody ..apart from my Father ..had ever talked with me about my Mother.” Erica van Beek.

Erica’s Mother, Olga Bock, was born in Vienna on Tuesday November 19th. 1907 to Erica’s Grandmother, Jozsefa, nee Karpfen, and her Grandfather, Armin Bock and these are Erica’s Fraternal Grandparents. Here, Erica entrusted me with the very intimate detail of this revisited portion of her life and her lifelong and painful coming to terms with the deeply embedded trauma over her Mother’s destruction. For Erica clearly, she never gave up hope of that reunion with her Mother, even though she knew that hope had been dwindled so far down, it was barely flickering. There is such a loss for her that is so overwhelming, which lesser beings would not have been able to continue to function let alone would they have endured. Erica would not have Survived all that she was put through without the resilience of a Woman who had been imparted with the values of conviction and strength.

“..I am aware that ..where this story began as a personal process is now my Mother’s story. I think it is ..fact that I want to know these things ..she could have told me if she had not ..been killed.” Erica van Beek.

Erica was simply born to Survive and was driven relentlessly forward so as to ensure her course met ours. She proved tireless in reminding me of what was required Remembering, and she sent me details of the struggle History should not be having with The Holocaust on a constant basis. It seemed to us both that we have moved too far away from learning what should be learned toward adapting the lessons we should not now use against an other. I wish I now had the time to say to Erica, you have touched the soul of another so deeply, it has moved a colossal space to become more filled. There is all too often times when more should have been said and they were not said, but I am certain Erica grew to know the esteem in which I held her. Between 1935 when Erica was born, Thursday August 1st. 1935 and the intervening years till 1938, there was such an influx of Jews, escaping persecution within Poland, that Holland resounded to a differing air of Jewish sounds.

“..If I have ever had ..illusion that humanity has become wiser and better is now absolutely over. ..I still had hope. Ethnic ..Nationalist wars ..civilized ..Europe have broken out ..make me realize ..humanity has learned nothing.” Erica van Beek.

Such was the influx of Polish, German, Austrian and other Jews, the diversity of Amsterdam, previously a metropolis for most European Jews, extended its cosmopolitan status. In all the moments of shared communication, I found Erica’s long search, for the answers she clearly sought, to give me continued reason to hope I would find the form of comprehension to this travesty for the Jewish People I had always sought. Erica’s never failing desire to greet us with a Mother she longed to embrace, held her in a perpetual drive to remind us of what loss truly means. We now find loss has moved her on toward a reunion I hope in all earnestness, greets her well. I know her growing disillusionment with the failures to learn left a bitter taste for her. Considering what she has Survived, it is completely understandable that she was irritated by the World we still inhabit.

“..From Vienna I remember little or nothing. A large ..gray ..barrack like building where all voices sound very hard. A big garden like a park. ..There I also have an Omama ..that in my memory is very big and stately. ..As I dive into ..past again without clear memories ..without images. ..feeling of very fine porcelain. ..scents of earl grey tea ..bergamot ..roses ..scent of certain perfumes ..from freesia’s. ..scents of Mutti.” Erica van Beek.

But for Erica, her resolution and positive mindset was such, that she fully hoped to find that goodness in the World and in more and more of us. Slowly, as she limited more and more of her own accusation to fewer and fewer of those who were actually responsible for the rise of more and more hatred’s, she recognised she could learn to relax more. But she never quite adjusted to what The Holocaust had been responsible for, and so back in history, we sought meaning from answers that had no resolution. As the devastating effects of a World’s inability to resolve a Jewish Refugee crisis, the Cruise ship St. Louis landed in Antwerp on Saturday June 17th. 1939 after its failed bid to land in America or Cuba. But nations of Europe did respond, with Britain taking 287 of these Jewish passengers, France taking 224 of these Jewish passengers, Belgium taking 214 Jewish passengers and Holland taking 181 of these stranded Jewish passengers.

“..I feel again at one with ..persecuted ..oppressed ..that is where I belong. Among ..Jews ..Jewish Marx well ..all oppressed peoples that come up in revolt who flash through my mind.” Erica van Beek.

The plight of these Jews, having left Hamburg for Cuba a month earlier, these 934 Jewish passenger refugees were physically stranded between unconcern for their well being and a total indifference to their plight. A whole Month, 4 weeks on the open Seas, abandoned by Nations of the World and while 6 of these Jews did land in Cuba, having jumped overboard, the fate of a further 22 of these Jewish People is unknown. On Saturday August 26th. 1939 and while The Times of London’s Literary Supplement alighted the entire World to Hitler’s intention of an impending Holocaust for its Jews, and we recognise what could have been done to alleviate a small portion of the plight of these Jews, Hitler guarantees the neutrality of Holland. Of course, history has taught the World already that words spoken by herr Hitler have no equivalence in truth or honesty.

“..What else do I need to get past ..letting myself be. Not everything has been worked out ..on paper or in my head.” Erica van Beek.

From the remnants of Jewish Europe, the people who are these Jewish Survivor’s, they will continually beat themselves up about the reason why they are the ones to have Survived and why 6,000,000 other’s were forced to die. At the time when Anne Frank was in hiding and Etty Hillesum was still in full view, all Jews in Holland were being monitored, identified for transportation East and for many of them, with a knowledge in some degree as to what was coming for them. Etty Hillesum, by no means a victim, though victimised sees in affording assistance to her fellow Jews in Westerbork, a gift which gives us the very taste of what Olga herself would soon experience. Anne Frank’s Diary, which would offer Erica clues as to what life in hiding was like for the Jews in fear for their lives, is a monument to what Jews feared and fretted over, Survival.

“..victims Jews ..Netherlands ..mounted to 100,000 less than 2% of ..Final Solution of ..Jewish problem. In ..process ..Dutch Jewry was put outside ..isolated ..robbed of all ..possessions ..deported ..cut down with near scientific precision.” Dr. Jacob Presser.

For this transit Camp at Westerbork, identified all too often with Dutch Jewry, was the common denominator for any of those Jews found in Holland. Westerbork was the transit hub toward which they were directed and either Birkenau or Sobibor was where annihilation awaited the vast majority of them there. Around 140,000 Jewish People, according to census figures, lived in Holland as Hitler’s forces poured across the Dutch border on Friday May 10th. 1940. It is no coincidence therefore, given that some 2 years later when Hitler’s statisticians came up with the figure for The Wannsee Protocol, as 160,800 Jews within Holland’s border’s, accuracy is obviously endorsed by Hitler’s clear demands to know where his resolve for these Jews would be met. Of course, some of these Jews were from the St. Louis, and while many of these had crossed many borders to reach comparative safety from Poland and Austria, Olga indeed was amongst them.

“..2 issues from my earliest childhood are still ..flight from Vienna to Amsterdam ..and ..abrupt divorce of my Mother. From ..time ..end of ..hiding I can figure out ..facts ..a predominant feeling of darkness and cold. Except for a few sunny memories from Hoorn.” Erica van Beek.

The sense of a guaranteed safety did not last long for any Jews in Europe, let alone in Poland after 1939 or in Holland after Wednesday May 15th. 1940. Holland had fully capitulated within 5 days and had surrendered its ability to protect its Jewish Community for what now loomed. Four days later, on Sunday May 19th. 1940 Arthur Seyss Inquart is appointed Reich Commissioner over Holland and following on from that on Tuesday October 22nd. 1940, all Jewish businesses in Holland are to be registered. A deep and penetrating darkness has descended upon the Jews of Europe, and here in Holland as elsewhere, the escalating terms of the anti-Jewish bias, bigotry and hatred is mounting. On Monday November 4th. 1940 all Jewish Civil Servants are dismissed from their positions in Holland. Then, on Friday January 10th. 1941 the closer identification of the Jewish People is brought to bear as all Jews in Holland are to be clearly identified and registered.

“ own traumatic life ..has made me aware of and empathetic to ..trauma ..fears ..and of others. ..if I can do something with it ..surely that is a bonus. ..I sometimes get ..feeling I am found to be ..a voice in ..wilderness. ..if I keep quiet ..I feel ..responsible. ..I have my own way to express my dismay about ..horrors of our time. ..maybe too emotional ..but that is ..way I happen to be.” Erica van Beek.

During the months of February, June and September 1941, a number of Dutch Jews are rounded up and transported to both Buchenwald and Mauthausen Concentration camps and are to be Murdered there. Following on from The Wannsee Conference Tuesday January 20th. 1942, while the escalating terms of The Final Solution had been underway, we see on Tuesday February 3rd. 1942, in Holland these terms binding all of German Society in Hitler’s fatal resolve for the Jewish People, delivered by SS Gruppenfuhrer Dr. Wilhelm Harster to his officials dealing with The Final Solution in Holland. If ever there seemed a moment of safety for Erica and her Mother Olga, that moment of safety for all Jews remaining in Holland had come to an end. By Monday June 1st. 1942, with all Jews forced to wear ‘The Jewish Star,’ the Mogen Dawid, throughout Holland, the brutalising of the Jewish People intensifies.

“..Friday July 3rd. 1942 ..this new certainty ..that what they are after is our total destruction ..I accept it. I know it now ..I shall not burden other’s with my fears. I shall not be bitter if other’s fail to grasp what is happening to us Jews.” Etty Hillesum.

Most of the Jewish People arrested in Amsterdam were first taken to the former theatre Hollandse Schouwburg. Here they were assembled alongside those Jews brought in on transports from the remainder of Holland proper. Some 400 Jews were detained in the Theatre and this became the eventual assembly point in Amsterdam for the transports East, beginning in July 1942. Sadly this is the fate that awaited Olga and while I never got to meet any of these Jewish Women of Holland, either Anne or Etty, nor those like Erica van Beek who convinced me of her great resilience and resolve, they had this dreadful trauma in common, though Erica was spared the final detail. I did learn to know Erica as an extraordinary Warm, Cultured and Understanding Human Being. I had planned to meet up with Erica, the next time I was in Amsterdam, Holland yet this was not to be.

“..Friday August 21st. 1942 many houses are being searched for hidden bicycles ..Mr. Kugler thought it ..better to have a bookcase built in front of ..entrance to our hiding place.” Anne Frank.

That hoped for meeting was very important to me as I sought to learn everything from Erica and those whose anguish would mark my opinion of the very culprits who forced Survival upon Erica and the other Survivor’s. It is clear from what Etty knew, and what Anne would learn from Radio Broadcasts, these Jews in Holland, those like Olga and a further 106,000 Jewish Men, Women and Their Children would all add to the Slaughter in Hitler’s resolve to end all Jewish existence on the Continent of Europe. So far, I have been introduced to Olga Bock, the Mother Erica lost, for whom no amount of words could console her, and through that pain, I gained an impression of the Person Erica was and the humanitarian he is. Back then, when Olga was picked up by a Dutch policeman and detained in a Dutch house on the Amstelveenseweg, we can barely speculate Erica’s deeply emotional loss.

“..I have never taken leave or said goodbye. ..Mutti was gone.” Erica van Beek.

In what was eventually seen by Erica as part of an on-going quota system of search and detention of all Jews, for a 7 year old Child there could be no figuring out why Olga had not returned, nor come home and was no longer there for her. As the inevitable street raids on individual Jews was common, this however was before the systematic scouring operations of entire Streets and Areas came into being. The timing of this was in August 1942 and we learn that it was assumed by Olga that her Sister Hilda was looking after Erica. This was clearly borne out in the letter dispatched just before Olga had reached camp Westerbork. Erica has informed us that, from an almost illegible note which her Mother wrote as she was transported toward Westerbork, of Olga’s permanent concern for Erica. Though the letter is addressed to her Sister Hilda, it is full of Olga’s concern over her removal to Westerbork and for Erica’s newer predicament.

“..Mama’s love had always been ..kind that acted itself out with soup pot and sewing basket. But now that these things were taken away. ..She loved ..people she saw in ..street ..and beyond ..her love took in ..City of Holland ..World. And so I learned that love is larger than ..walls which shut it in.” Corrie Ten Boom.

With this emotive scrap of paper too, Erica learned not to be closed in by walls and while the note itself remains a last personal attachment, which Erica eventually obtained from her Aunt, Erica had embraced a World which had sought her out. That actual document, an artefact, is in the Resistance Museum in Amsterdam. Erica can now identify with what I find in Emmanuel Halverstadt’s description. It is his vision of a Westerbork all Dutch Jews who travelled through it and Survived would recognise. For Erica to know a little more of what Olga was forced to endure, the description will not lessen the pain. Nothing would. Nothing ever did. However, the process as it would greet every Jewish Person within Holland, forced to remain in Westerbork Camp until final Deportation, would be similar to this in every detail and would alert Erica to what her Mother met along the way. Of course, that final capture for Olga, which brought her hiding to an abrupt end, suggests she too was possibly taken, eventually, from within the theater Hollandse Schouwburg, Amsterdam to Westerbork.

“..Westerbork ..Barrack 60. ..military police entered ..barrack was sealed off. We had to pack everything ..put on transport to Auschwitz. ..We travelled 2 days and 3 nights. One night we stopped at a train station. morning we left in daylight. ..stopped once more during ..we could leave ..train under heavy escort. ..Gruenen polizei ..tried to take our watches gold jewellery. I did not give it to them. When we arrived at Auschwitz we stopped some 5 kilometres before ..Camp. We had to throw all ..luggage off ..train. After this ..SS came and beat us out of ..train wagons.” Emmanuel Halverstadt.

From Westerbork, for the eventual transport to Birkenau there were some 57,800 Jews on 65 transports who went directly there, the vast majority to the Gas Chambers. For the removal Westerbork to Sobibor, there were some 34,313 Jews on 19 transports. This final stage on Olga’s delivery to Birkenau was on Tuesday September 8th. 1942 when she was taken from Westerbork and on toward extinction. As with all the Murdered Jews of The Holocaust, though we may know the exact name of and even the place of Death, all too few of these Jews of Europe will have been availed of a personal grave site. It is evident that all such Killing Sites and Death Camps had open mass graves solely for the interring of those Jews delivered to them. The vast majority of these 6,000,000 Murdered Jews are to be recognised as Murdered, Interred, Exhumed and then their traces Obliterated.

“..Olga ..died in Auschwitz. .. journey lasted 3 days. This is true according to all ..information that I have ..official and informal. So that should be accepted. She fortunately only suffered for a short time. And now I am able to bury her give her a grave and a Page of Testimony ..YadVashem in ..Hall of Names ..Jerusalem.” Erica van Beek.

From all x6 Death Camps Hitler had built in Poland, in the containment Ghetto’s of Poland and Eastern Europe and from amongst a multitude of places all too numerous to recount, the evisceration of the Jews of Europe took place. There are no records which specifically recognise accurately enough to know where the 6,000,000 Murdered Jews are. In each grave yard though, in every killing site or Death Camp, whether they are Dutch Jews, or the Jews from every nation within Europe, Hitler’s resolve to destroy them all has filled an enormous space with the loss of human existence. Constantly, there is this exact same disregard for the humanity that was all too clearly abandoned there, resurfacing to deny them their final, though ambiguous resting place. It is for Erica, with the continuous saga of her tragedy sees her inability to lay to rest the memory of a Mother she did not have the time to say goodbye to. Added to that, and though Olga’s final resting place is in Birkenau, amongst 1,100,000 other Jews, the space for her interring is both communal and unidentified.

“..National Institute for War Documentation. When Olga was arrested and held prisoner and deported to Westerbork ..I can maybe find something about it there.” Erica van Beek.

On Thursday September 10th. 1942 the Transport from Westerbork arrived at the siding inside the Extermination Centre Birkenau, Poland. The ramp had been established to take the weight of numbers and to place them immediately before the Gas Chambers. Here, from this Transport, 874 Jewish Men, Women and Their Children, were disembarked and 614 of these Dutch Jews are immediately selected to be Murdered. Olga’s fate is not immediately sealed, though it was to be confirmed within Birkenau only a matter of days later. It is uncertain why, but while Olga Survived till Monday September 14th. 1942, she too was subsequently Murdered here within Birkenau. For Erica, the continued search is an endless array of places and institutions to contact for the next snippet of information. Though, as we approach the end of the Year and as 1942 rolls relentlessly on, Wednesday October 14th. 1942 strikes more indelibly at the Jews in Holland as they are virtually outlawed from amongst their former neighbours and community.

“..white ceramic jar with lid, wherein sits a packed piece of stone from Auschwitz, that a friend of Renco, my ex-husband, specially brought for me. That now can get an honorary place. Will I be able once again to visit there, as in Vienna, or at Yad Vashem, there to find my mother’s name. First search in Westerbork barracks 41/0.” Erica van Beek.

Then, on Thursday December 17th. 1942, as the Allied nations seek to condemn Hitler’s Extermination of the Jews, and there is a pledge that is made by America, Belgium, Britain, Czechoslovakia, French National Committee, Greece, Holland, Luxembourg, Norway, Poland, Russia and Yugoslavia as the transports roll relentlessly on, pushing East. Here, with an officially termed condemnation of Hitler’s aktionen, retribution will still not deliver all those guilty to any future meaningful punishment. Hitler’s Nazi’s, in the meanwhile, accumulate their assortment of rolling stock and as these Transport’s continue to roll on and into Birkenau, there is no similar call to stem the flow of Jewish loss from Pope Pius II. There is no call from the Pope to cease the Murderous activity against Europe’s Jews. As a ‘christian’ of sorts it is with deep sadness that I am writing for Erica, who will be a massive Loss to me, to You all and to what the World will now be deprived of, as her life has been so dealt a blow at the hands of an ostensibly christian people. I am truly sad. I am completely shocked and I am so sorry I missed an opportunity to finally meet up with her!

“..Monday May 29th. 1944 ..Do you know where ..Jews of Austria ..and of Germany ..Holland ..Czechoslovakia and France. Poland ..taken in cattle cars ..70 into each car. What happened to them I do not know ..I can only guess.” Eva Heyman.

My loss is a great tragedy, as Erica was one of those People who could inspire anyone to make a difference. As Eva Heyman was scribing these words, as 106,000 of Dutch Jewry, all Men, Women and Children of them, including Erica’s Mother Olga, were Murdered in one of x2 Death Camps in Poland and other camps throughout Hitler’s greater Reich, the staggering assessment of loss requires measuring. For more than 34,000 Murdered Dutch Jews in Sobibor or the 60,000 Murdered Dutch Jews in Birkenau, Erica had a special space in her heart for them all. They were a part of her continued search for Olga which never ended. For those 12,000 other Dutch Jews who were Murdered either in Situ, Amsterdam, Westerbork, various Camps across the Reich and Greater Reich or in the many of the Dutch areas still attempting to conceal Jews from the Transports, Erica contemplated the what if’s?. Unfortunately for Erica, Olga’s fate was finally sealed within Birkenau and it would take Erica years to discover the whole truth. As Erica forms part of that Viennese Jewry which fared little better, with as many as 43,000 Jewish Men, Women and Their Children being Murdered, it is essential to recognise where Erica had fled from.

“..after 1945 ..every Jew stood alone ..bereaved of ..Parents ..Children ..Family ..Friends ..Acquaintances ..deprived of everything that once made up” Dr. Jacob Presser.

As the World woke up to find that 6,000,000 Jews were expendable, we recognise so pervasively that what ended is a humanity which could not civilise us. As the world focused its attention on the War, 6,000,000 Jewish People had been routinely slaughtered, under the gaze of free standing powers. Entire nations, a World of indifference remained so unconvinced of the Jewish tragedy, there became no need to save a single one of these 6,000,000 Jews. On Saturday May 5th. 1945, as Hitler’s forces surrender in Holland, and as this brings Erica so little relief, her search enters a new phase. It is to be sometime later, 18 years, that Erica is reconciled with the fact that her Mother will never return and will remain lost to her. Olga’s was Murdered while War distracted attention away from Hitler’s personal aim, die Endlosung der Judenfrage, The Final Solution of The Jewish Question, The Holocaust of 6,000,000 Jews of Europe, Olga’s amongst them.

“..Only in 1963 was I ..suddenly ..confronted with my past. I received from ..Red Cross proof of her death. A Wiedergutmachungsgeld from Germany.” Erica van Beek.

Erica’s Father, Jacob (Jaap) died on Sunday November 28th. 1976 and this ended a passage for Erica which had been temporarily filled with at least one Parent she could look to. Regardless as to how a Jew in Europe felt themselves to be, secular, Hassidic, Orthodox and apathetic to all, the tenets of a 3,000 year old hatred was extracted and enacted upon every single one of them so as to define a person for Slaughter. The clothing of a Carmelite Nun could not prevent Edith Stein from being Murdered as a Jew, no matter how convinced she had been of her conversion. This status too would have applied to Erica, as she would have suffered the same fate, even as a Child of a non-Jewish Father. Olga would have been the defining Parent in the muddled legislation which affixed the sentence of death to all Jews. This of course would only have availed Hitler of a further victim if Erica had been discovered and history has given much to us to be thankful for Erica.

“ of Jews in ..Netherlands. ..A book. ..All ..pages reveal ..this history is also mine. ..despite my not ..believing but still a real Jew. ..biological provability be a child of a Jewish Mother still being Jewish.” Erica van Beek.

Tragically, Erica passed from us this year 2019, a Saturday May 4th. and she will be sorely missed by those who knew her, those touched by her and by those yet to experience what Erica had so much to deliver. For me, it is reprehensible to be delivering this in the past tense. I have informed Erica that I considered her a Friend above everything else we sought to share. I come to the table with nothing to offer but the words I hope to make a difference with. My Books intrigued her, and I was to deliver a Book to her when I eventually saw her. What is there for me to say now that she has passed, and we are left bereft of a word that might make the difference to all those now lost moments. Erica, you have become a treasure to many. I will ensure that Treasure is spread far and wide. This World, which might not have known you too well, will know You more than it deserves.

“..knowledge of ..past ..of all that misery ..leading to fear ..significant uncertainty ..anxiety ..that leads to depression does not help. ..realized that again today. Will that also get better. It hinders my real development keeps me in 2nd. or 3rd. place. Not that I’m ambitious. But it’s a false modesty ..and resulting from fear to really stand out. It’s something from ..hiding.” Erica van Beek.

For those Survivors who emerged from the gravest tragedy ever to infect this world, how can a person be not wounded by such an experience. To suddenly be thrust into a World alone, fearful of being found out for who you are, as opposed to what some might consider what you are. To then place a blank page across ones memory so as to forget the past, so that it should not hinder the growth toward a future, was an obstacle to knowing. And then to measure this all with Erica’s profound sense of loss for what happened to Olga, her Mother, I have only my own personal experience to suggest, I have insufficient suffering to suggest Erica’s. Erica was one amongst some 35,000 Jews of Holland who managed to Survive so how can we detail, Ever, the understanding that should come from an atrocity so immense, we title it The Holocaust.


I have known you- and not known you my child

I have a picture of you, that is called Jacob;

An image of rebellion, fury and suffering

That binds you to my past.

I have built a picture of you, my child,

That put his arms around me and held my hand.

Not the boy who destroyed his life

But one who finds life fearful and unliveable.

That scared and angry and on the run

in life never found a shelter

and disbanded from his fear by his death

I loved you, my child that we knew.

And powerless, I watched how you

have wounded yourself so deadly.

Who wants to hear how trumpeter grief

Who will not run away for my nocturnal crying.

Hear how the land shakes under my feet thumping looking crying

Screaming for my children their hunters continue to be injured

And flee for my boundless grief

About him and his name can turn around

Flights as I approach come seeking solace

I want their names not know him forget

Never love again no more do not be complicit

Do not come closer I liked you even trust

Again memories should be to what was.” Erica van Beek.

Message from Yessica Erica’s Daughter.

First of all, I have to lose a bit How lame. I believe I have called that the funeral is coming and where it is, but I think I ended up completely forgetting to pass the date and time. Have E-mailed a lot of you, who were in Erica’s address book. So it was mistakenly the assumption that I would have reached all of you. Apologies!


Monday, May 13th. 13:30 pm In the Aula of Crematory the New Ooster Kruislaan 126 Amsterdam.

After the end, there is an opportunity to pay condolences in the salon of the crematorium. To stay close to the Jewish tradition, we ask you to take one small pebble to put it on the chest.


I have an urgent request: If you want to come, do you want to let it know as soon as possible via: That is necessary due to the space, catering, etc. If you have already e-mailed that you are coming, then don’t want to e-mail again, I’ll count you double


And then a personal note: I see in the rushing a lot of fine, beautiful, heart warming messages pass by. I haven’t gotten to it myself yet to sit down to read them and react. But know that I will do that at a later and calmer moment.


Finally from ME! My past has always been willing to accept the many wrongs in People, but I see the gravest wrong against an innocent People for being Jewish continually perpetuated, so I have always made it a point, when I meet with Survivors, to apologise to them on behalf of what an ostensibly ‘christian’ body of people has done. For the whole of Humanity that Sin of Perpetration, Intolerance or Indifference is a stain upon our own legitimacy as human beings. So just in case I do not get the opportunity to greet you in person, I apologise to You for the inability of those 6,000,000 Murdered Jews of The Holocaust, who cannot direct their appreciation and respect for what you have done and what you have achieved. In each of you the World entire has been saved.

Patrick Dempsey – Erica’s Friend.